Emma Davey Podcast Transcript
Emma Davey joins host Brian Thomas on The Digital Executive Podcast.
Welcome to Coruzant Technologies, home of the Digital Executive Podcast.
[00:00:12] Brian Thomas: Welcome to the Digital Executive. Today’s guest is Emma Davey. After a personal journey of self-discovery and healing, followed by rigorous academic training, Emma Davey now dedicates her working life to counseling people suffering from narcissistic abuse. Her Facebook group VANA and TikTok videos support tens of thousands of narcissistic abuse victims and survivors worldwide.
She is the founder of MyNARA App, a mobile app for victims of narcissistic abuse. Emma is a Narcissistic Abuse Counselor certified by the British Association for Counseling and Psychotherapy. She received a Diploma of Counseling from the Government of Western Australia and is recognized as one of the world’s leading experts on narcissistic abuse.
Well, good afternoon, Emma. Welcome to the show.
[00:00:55] Emma Davey: Thank you for having me.
[00:00:57] Brian Thomas: Thank you for jumping on and making the time today. I know you are hailing out of the great country of the UK and spent some time around the world. I do appreciate that. We don’t always get a guest from outside of the U.S. or Canada, but we have traversed 50 countries. So, I appreciate you making the time Emma, we’re going to jump right into the questions here, talk about your career as a therapist. You’re an accredited clinical trauma counselor an entrepreneur, and now the founder and CEO of My Nara. Could you share with our audience, the secret to your career growth and what inspires you?,
[00:01:31] Emma Davey: I started as a counselor because I wanted to help people through the process of recovery from narcissistic abuse, because that’s exactly what I experienced. And when I sought out help, when I was at my lowest in the darkest of my days, there wasn’t anybody professionally that could actually help me. In fact, I reached out to two people, and they didn’t understand what I was saying.
They never validated me. I never felt heard. And they actually told me to go back to the abuser. Now looking back with my counselor lens on, I can’t believe that they advised me to go back to such a horrific situation, which could potentially have had some serious effects. Anyone that’s experienced narcissistic abuse will understand exactly what I’m talking about.
It really takes you to some dark places where you can’t see any way out. And you need somebody to tell you that you’re not going crazy. So, I eventually fled the UK, and I actually went to Australia because I needed to get away from the abuser. And that is where I qualified as a counselor. And when I really looked into the help that’s out there for people suffering from narcissistic abuse, there was such limited services.
So, I proceeded with my education, learn about narcissistic abuse, cluster B personality disorders, and that’s when I went into opening my personal practice, which is called My Trauma Therapy, and then during the pandemic, that’s when I actually started, and I couldn’t believe how quickly my books got full up.
I’m literally talking within six months. And then I actually went on to the app store and I thought there must be an app for narcissistic abuse recovery because there’s an app for everything, right? But there actually wasn’t. So, I felt I need to do this. I need to get help from people that really need it at five o’clock in the morning where they can’t sleep because their nervous system is in fight flight or freeze.
And they’re just needing validation to know that this and I need help and I need to get out. I don’t know where to start. So that’s where My NARA started.
[00:03:37] Brian Thomas: I love that story. There’s always a story here on the podcast and sometimes it’s very traumatic and it’s hard to listen to the story sometimes, but because of the story, that’s what makes people better, stronger, and in your case, come out, not only as a survivor, but developing an app to help potentially millions of others that people that are suffering as well. So that is an awesome story. And Emma, I really, really appreciate that. So, Emma, everybody has a story of success, right? Doesn’t always start out good. Like I had mentioned.
But you talked about why you became a counselor. Now, how specifically are you helping people today recover?
[00:04:15] Emma Davey: So, I help people recover from narcissistic abuse, coercive control, domestic abuse, and we look at the scenario of what their situation is, because everybody is different, but in regards to abuse, they’re all suffering pretty much the same type of abuse.
So, we use multiple different therapy types brain spotting, somatic therapy, talking therapy, To really find out what is actually going on with the person’s body because they look at the situation, but actually this type of abuse has such damaging effects on the mental and physical parts of the body.
And unless we actually find out what’s happened traumatically. Then we can’t really know how it’s coming out in the body. Within the app. I want to just express how important it is to start logging evidence. So, when you start logging the abuse, you can actually physically see what you’re experiencing because say coercive abuse.
It’s not physical, so it’s gaslighting, its mental abuse, it’s psychological abuse. Unless you put it into the app and you can physically see how much abuse that you’re enduring, then you’re just seeing what the effects are in the body. So you might not be able to get out of bed, have no energy, feeling like you’re losing your mind, but not actually understanding why.
And if you have a narcissist saying, this is all your fault, I’m blaming you for absolutely everything. You are going to start blaming yourself as well. So that’s why it’s really important to understand one what you’re experiencing and two, being able to visually see it. And also log in the evidence. You can actually use it in court now for successful prosecution.
[00:05:56] Brian Thomas: Thank you for sharing. I appreciate that. That’s very helpful for our audience to understand and Emma diving into the app a little bit more. Obviously, apps are becoming commonplace. I recently had a guest on the show here that had a mental health app as well and people are looking for, maybe it’s sometimes a quick fix, but In the time of urgent need, that app is going to at least supplement, right? So maybe you can talk to us about the app. Obviously you touched a little bit on how it can log the abuse and the physical evidence, but how is it truly there in a time of need when people are struggling?
[00:06:34] Emma Davey: So, I created NarcArmor, which is a 12 phase recovery program, and that starts from the denial phase. So when people are still in that they can’t be an abusive partner because they tell me they love me and we have some really great times, to the very end where they actually feel completely free and they’ve gone through that post traumatic growth period and they are actually able to help others.
on their journey of recovery. So, it takes them through every single step. And I’m very honest with my recovery. I say this is probably going to be the hardest thing you’ll ever go through in your life. Because narcissistic abuse is probably one of the hardest. and the worst stages of your life because you’re really doubting yourself.
There’s a lot of educational parts in the app as well. So really teach you about what narcissistic abuse is and what you should be looking out for. The red flags are so important. So, understanding what a red flag is and also having boundaries of what you will and won’t accept. Log in red flags you can physically see again how many red flags that you’re potentially ignoring because the same red flags that you ignore at the beginning are the same red flags you leave for in the end.
So, it’s educating people and it’s validating people as well that you’re not on your own and you’re not going crazy. This is abuse and you can get help and support to get out of it. As well. Therapy is fantastic. And I’m not saying that the app is to replace therapy or a therapist, but it gives you a place to go at two o’clock in the morning when you don’t feel like You’ve got anybody to talk to or as well this because you can log all the evidence you can always go back and see how much abuse that there has been because abusers are not abusive 100 percent of the time in that they do give you breadcrumbs of affection So because it becomes an addiction and you become very addicted to the highs and the really nice version of them that they portray.
That’s what you want to get back to So you would potentially go through six days of horrific abuse for one day of niceness. And then that becomes a pattern of behavior and that becomes normality for you. But having an app that you can log things and it also gives people a sense of control back.
Because being in an abusive relationship, you feel like you don’t have any control. And it’s just a very safe place for you. This is your place. Within an abusive relationship, all of that goes. But having this secret app on your phone, which you can log everything, it becomes yours.
[00:09:13] Brian Thomas: Thank you for sharing, Emma. I appreciate breaking that apart for us here. Obviously, there’s no app that can replace true human therapy. We know that but do appreciate the fact that you do have a therapist in your pocket that can give you some guidance and help you through some of those difficult times when a therapist is not immediately available.
So, I appreciate that. Emma, last question of the day. We are a technology podcast publication. I’m a technologist. We always ask all of our guests, no matter what your background is, if you’re leveraging some of that new and emerging tech in your business or your app, which you might be able to get into. And if not, if there’s some other cool tool or app that you found useful, you might share with us today.
[00:09:54] Emma Davey: For me, I would say the biggest app that has been the most impactful in my life has been Zoom, because it has enabled me to speak to clients from all over the world. And it’s also made counseling very accessible.
So, people see me in their lunch break, they see me after they put the children to bed, and they can see me at any time of the day, wherever they are in the world. I just find that Zoom has really helped bring people together and allowed people to gain access to really good people within certain areas of a profession to help them in whatever capacity that is.
[00:10:32] Brian Thomas: That’s awesome. I think Zoom is probably, especially since the pandemic has been the number one app for people to communicate and stay in touch with loved ones, colleagues and in some cases therapists obviously. Emma, it was such a pleasure having you on today and I look forward to speaking with you real soon.
[00:10:50] Emma Davey: Thank you very much.
[00:10:52] Brian Thomas: Bye for now.
Emma Davey Podcast Transcript. Listen to the audio on the guest’s podcast page.
