If you are a high-functioning individual suffering from a mental or behavioural health ailment (which may or may not be protected under the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) for reasonable accommodation), your daily life at work is quite possibly a tough battle. A tougher one possibly than of those who are off-work on leave and therefore, although quite possibly much more debilitated, can have some level of control on the number of uncertainties that will disrupt their wellbeing. Whether you are depressed but your severe phases come in cycles, or are a GAD (general anxiety disorder) sufferer who can pull through most of the days but not all, or suffer from a Psychosis that occasionally manifests at work but doesn’t completely impede your ability to be employed, you are someone who shows up to work and does great (either because or in-spite of your disorder) while pedalling like Stanford ducks underneath the surface. You either didn’t disclose your disability at work, or even if you have, you will not avail (unless it’s the last option) the ‘reasonable accommodations’ available to you.
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But most challenging is the fact that no one talks about the likes of you. There are no career development articles, best-known methods, behavioural guidelines, or leadership skills that will acknowledge you, let alone provide direction. No one wants to talk about us, the people with disabilities at work. We ourselves don’t want to deal with the non-normal parts of our otherwise normal days. But we are the new normal. Mental health at work is becoming more and more a matter, with work and life complexities skyrocketing. So, the counsellor’s couch toolsets need to come into the mainstream career conversations, not just tip-toe-d around in chapter seven of self-help books.
This is an even bigger problem for women because of unhelpful gender stereotyping and unfair labelling. Hormonal. Emotional. Un-professional. No, we are not, but men are in the majority, and therefore, ‘testosterone-ic’ behaviours are considered professionally more acceptable and even downright desirable, even when they are outcomes of the same struggles that manifest as tears for women. Reactions are also grouped and gender labelled instead of categorised by mental health condition, which could serve the helpful purpose of mental health awareness.
I have had to craft my own guidelines, success definitions, and daily steps. The first step is to address head-on the fact that we, and others like us, exist. Note: this doesn’t suggest mandatory declaration or disclosure. In fact, my advice on that is to tread very carefully irrespective of what printed policies say. There’s a lot of progress still to be made on unconscious bias and mental health awareness. But we need to ruthlessly trash any of the shame we might feel within ourselves. And then, we need to be aware of signs in others that would require us to have higher self-control and greater compassion. Empathy is one gift out of this curse, and we should take advantage of that by being the higher EQ individuals in the room. We will need that to shield us against our behavioural ‘eccentricities’, which we will not always be able to control. We also have to take a social responsibility, if I may call it so, to be vocal in our own ways, possibly appropriately. Finding a tribe, an outlet, and working to help a cause that affects us daily is a great strength provider and the base of this pyramid that I will try to build here for excellence at work for the likes of us.
There are two well-known principles I am going to base this roadmap on. One is the known concept of running the business, growing the business, transforming the business (or you might have heard it as keeping today secured, planning for tomorrow, transforming the future – or similar – you get the theme). This is a familiar concept for business. Now think of this and apply this to what I’d like to call a ‘self-aware roadmap for career sustenance and development’. First, acknowledge that you have some limitations, know what they are and what your triggers are, and have a foolproof, well-practised plan for managing them. First for today and then for tomorrow. Below are some tips on that.
Meditation and Mindfulness
This horse has probably been beaten to death, but not in a way that can work for high-functioning strugglers who need some tools to manage their disabilities at work. Focusing on your breath while driving to work on your worst days and forcing yourself to continuously re-ground through tools like counting, concentrating on a sound, and tapping is something you need to not only know of but also have written down somewhere to be able to use regularly. It takes a bit of time and, on our worse days, a lot of determination, but eventually, the calming effect of focusing on the moment starts becoming more and more apparent.
Have dignified breakdowns and manage the aftermath
Separating ourselves physically from an upsetting situation is often not possible at the moment. A grueling presentation, a sudden confrontation, a difficult conversation can’t be just put away for some time (unless it’s in an email and if so, I absolutely recommend doing that) or walked away from. But it can be done after it is finished. But with self-awareness and practice, our reactions can be controlled. For example, every time I get upset and angry, I note. Next time, I prepare to reduce the intensity. And once it’s done, I manage the after-action. I used to get into the ‘I need to fix this now’ mode. I changed that to ‘I need to go to a private spot and take some deep breaths’ mode. Do that after an upsetting incident where you raised your voice, started stammering, or broke down. Then, come back and fix a follow-up meeting to address the issue. Write down what you think your point was that was unheard – be factual, respectful, and vulnerable but dignified. Have the second meeting prepared, and when in control. The more you advocate for yourself, the more able you will be to manage disabilities at work.
The don’t cry at work advice is not for us. But with some practice, we can prevent it from becoming a habit. With intelligent after-action, we can prevent it from branding us. And with every passing incident, if we are aware, we can reduce the intensity of the next one.
Understand that everyone can be us
At one point in my career, I was constantly getting into confrontations with a colleague who, from my vantage point, was emotional, disrespectful, slacking at work and abusive in her communication. Given my propensity for anxiety, I started feeling anxious at the thought of having to meet her. Realizing that she was unhappy in life for reasons nothing to do with me and that she was more anxious coming into the meetings than I was helped me take me (the ‘maybe I am not strong enough, and that’s why she is doing this to me’ though) out of the way. It wasn’t personal anymore. We were both co-strugglers and had disabilities at work. Empathy came in, and I didn’t really have to do much from there. Her behaviour didn’t change, but what she was triggering stopped.
The second principle for this roadmap is that of the stress cup. A well-known concept for PTSD but generally applicable – is the fact that when stress starts overflowing out of the cup, there is a problem, and for some, the cup is already filled, leaving less margin against an overflow. For managing both today and tomorrow, it is very important for us to understand the amount of immediate, intermediary, and longer-term stress in our environment and how we are managing it. No one can predict too far out in the future, but we can know of major travel plans and upcoming life events that we might have mental bandwidth filled with. For example, if the end of the first quarter is when I know work usually picks and is also a time when, every year, I need to organize two big parties (for my husband’s and daughter’s birthdays, respectively), I try not to have writing events or big career changes initiated around this time.
On the contrary, October-December is my go-to, festive, happy month, and year-end has been consistently light in my kind of work. I am overloaded these months with tough things like job changes. Granted, this can’t always be controlled – but when things do pop up in March that I wasn’t prepared for, I allow myself time (to be delayed on some other stuff) and permission to un-excel (I will not be able to make the biggest acceleration to my career through this sudden opportunity that has come up because I am not my best, but that’s ok – I will note and have a bounce back plan for April). Most importantly, I am extra observant of myself and others at these times. I catch myself having a faster heartbeat faster because I observe like a hawk. I increase my daily mediation times and take myself out of public or confronting situations proactively as a result.
Moving on to transforming the future now – look at life longer term. Short term, most days will be horrible for the likes of us. But are we making progress, both in personal and career growth, over a quarter? A year? A few years? Tony Robbins has correctly said that most of us underestimate what we can do in a decade while overestimating what we can do in a year. So, give yourself some time and constantly remind yourself that you have time. Write this down if you must.
Plan for the Long-Term for Disabilities at Work
It is also important to have a longer-term plan for not being ourselves (to feel better, read: not being our un-managed selves at work). We master this trick somewhat – otherwise, we won’t be high-functioning sufferers – we would be kicked out. But we struggle because of the constant ‘be yourself’ propaganda around us which is often misguided and idealistic. I haven’t come across a single social setting (and the workplace is a social setting above all) to date where an anxious person who visibly displays signs of the same or a depressed individual who keeps on breaking down is not talked about because of the same. Unfortunate but true. People don’t think of you the same way when you say you are bipolar as they would if you had severe diabetes.
Again, unfortunate but true. Until we get there as a society, curate and perfect your controlled behaviour toolkit and practice it with pride. This doesn’t mean being dishonest. This means finding out where you are still failing in managing your symptoms at work, developing a strategy for finding a non-work outlet for that and having a five-year plan for becoming better the same. For example, I used to have panic attacks when presenting publicly and a fear of confrontation, which would lead to defensive anger. I have a step-by-step plan (starting with walking into the meeting with an objective of understanding everyone’s perspective, listening more, speaking less, re-focusing on breathing, and holding my leg a bit lifted under the table when things so south) of immediate mechanisms. But I also have a five-year plan for excelling in presentations and mastering constructive confrontations. What you are most afraid of or you are failing at (because of your ailment) is what limits you. You will need to manage it today and tomorrow, but you will also need a plan to fix it for the future beyond that.
Lastly, make sure you make mental health a priority at work. If we don’t treat a chronic physical ailment and ignore it when it isn’t bothering us, it will eventually flare up. Your depression might get better, but without constant mindful self-care, will crush you as soon as life throws a curve ball when you have disabilities at work. So, keep your counselling appointments and stick to the wellness practice that works even when things are great, just like exercising three times a week or doing blood sugar check-ups.
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